Monthly Archives: August 2011

Mom would not be happy…

Lately I’ve been pretty much failing at taking care of my body. I’m dehydrated and not eating enough… Or eating too much and of the wrong stuff. I can’t even tell you the last time I really ate some vegetables… Like an actual honest to god serving of vegetables. Drinking water… Meh, not to bad during the week, but the weekend I don’t think I drink hardly any. I’m not getting near the amount of sleep I should be… As evidence by tonight where I’m going to sleep at 1:00 am. The gym hasn’t been the most familiar place for me lately either. Last few weeks I’ve maybe made it to there twice a week.

I’m thinking much of this is due to work. It’s pretty stressful right now. At lunch time I just want to get away for a bit, and by the time I leave at the end of the day I’m ready to just go home. Once I get there I don’t even care to think about what I’m going to eat for dinner so I just don’t eat.

So this is my declaration of change! This week I’m going to eat better… I’m not going to Culver’s at lunch, and my diet is going to be balanced. After work I’m going to go to the gym every day possible. I’m going to make a point to drink plenty of water, and in the evenings at home I’m going to eat something* nutritious. I will do my best to get to bed at 10:00 to get a full eight hours of sleep. If I do this I’m sure I’ll feel much better come next weekend. It’s funny how we know we feel better when we take care of ourselves… But yet we still let ourselves go and then feel like crap because of it. What stupid creatures we are sometimes.

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Fear, you suck!

Fear really sucks.  It can be considered a good thing that many times protects us.  However, it can also be very paralyzing.
I’m afraid of staying in Tucson… of staying here out of ease and not pushing myself to be better.
I’m afraid of moving to Pennsylvania (or anywhere actually) and falling flat on my face… and then being stuck there or stuck back at my hometown.
I’m afraid of believing in myself and then having to live with myself if I fail.  It’s funny that failing in that sense would be so embarrassing for a me when I usually have so little shame.
I’m afraid when it comes to my health care and medical coverage…  Starting meds and missing doses…  Starting meds and not being able to get them.
I’m afraid of not living up to my fullest potential.
I’m afraid that my fullest potential isn’t as full as I think it is.

See… fear sucks.  Right now I’m caught in this in-between.  I need to make a move, but fear has made it very hard.  When I try to remove the aspect of fear I end up fearing I’ll do something irrational.  Soooo… I feel a bit paralyzed.

Writing this I feel like I need to take a step of faith.  I need to continue pushing forward with moving to in October and starting school in the spring.  I need to believe in myself and know that I will do fine in school.  It’s a big change, but I feel it’s needed.  Above all else… this has to be something I do for me.

No fear!!